Second Tues of ALF
Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 4:28 pm
Collins it ain't the calender that is different it is the sense of humor that ain't the same. He ment to say the second Tues of the first week, but thanks for puttin up the dates I wasn't for sure what days it was goin to be
Some things you shouldn't bring to ALF.
A watch: if it is daylight we boat, if it is dark we drink.
A Calender: You will hear the chuch bells on Sunday (later put in) and all the other days don't matter.
Every piece of gear you own: Helment, life jacket, and a paddle. everything else is just extra stuff you have to keep up with.
Extra car keys:If you hide the keys on your truck at the put in you won't lose them on the river and need an extra set.
Stress: you all put yourselve under enought of it back in the snowy nothern waste land, we don't know what it is but it upsets us to see you all all freaked out.
Northern sense of vales: If we throw out a beer can it is because we know the surface miner who work that section of hiway. Also ya the girls may be our cousin but we ain't really that close of kin.
Guide books: they aren't right anyway, things have changed since the 80's and they only serve to freak you all out.
Need to scout every 2 foot drop: Some local will run it first and if he dies go another line. Beside a lot of time if you scout it you won't run it. it is better to be standing at the bottom and say next time I am goin to do a different line than to be at the bottom and say I wish I had run that.
Every boat you own: This ain't golf where you need a different boat for each river.
Coffee: We don't buy all the fufu brands and blends but there are enought Coffee snobs that have moved here too where we have a few fufu store that sell it. Beside it take up room that could be used to store Stoch. ( will be covered in what you should bring).
Your I love love New York tee shirts: Enough said, beside the thing we like most about New York is its location.
Whistles: I know you all would rather go to AIDS convention with out a rubber than go to the river with out a whistle. However we watch out for people paddlin with us, we're louder than a whistle anyway, they make us think the cops are on the river and we paddle away from the noise, but most important they tend to freak you all out. Most time we have the boater and boat over to the bank before the rest of you even know he swum. with the whistles goin off three more of you swim tryin to get to the bank that second to set up you 15 to 1 Z drags, get out you flare guns, and Sat Phones. ( please see Don't bring every piece of gear you own: above).
Need to keep your Eco minded vechicle within sight of you all the time: You should visit with other boaters car pool and socialize on the way to the river, get to know other people. Some (particular one good swimmer from Occupied Canada ) can not stand the thought of bein seperated from his vechical because all their gear is in it. So much gear that they can't even give someone else a ride. It kinda killes the whole point of drivin a four cylinder sardine can( please see Don't bring every piece of gear you own: above).
Unfounded fears of the unknow: We are just a little different than you all, you have a better chance of winnin the lottery than you do of gettin raped or killed. Deliverences was just a movie made by Yankees. Gettin lost ain't the end of the world, we have found a lot of good river when we were lost.
More Maple Syrup: it is good but we still have some from six years ago (we tend to use sorgum more).
Spread sheets, timetables, and emergency contact numbers: they are about impossible to keep dry on the river, if they people want to boat they will find you and emergeny contact number well the police get paid to make those calls.
Whistles: Ya I have already mentioned this above but it is worth repeatin.
Thing too bring:
Stoch Whiskey: we have it but not the best stuff like you get
Cuban Cigar: our goverment and the Miami Republicans are stupid (OK all Republicans are Stupid)
Sense of advenature: A lot of times we just ain't right down here
Extra set of Truck keys: No matter how many times we say don't do it someone is goin to be smarter than us and take their keys on the river, then when we can't get the body out from under the undercut their widow is going to end up with a four cylinder sardine can with a busted out window and a hot wired ignition.
Maple Cookies: Mexican and Hondouran kids think they are best cookies ever made.
Cameras: We will do some stupid things if we think it is goin to be capatured on film.
A totally open mind: This ain't up north and we don't care how they do it in Wisconson, and remember in Mexico you ain't queer if you stick it in, only if you let them stick it in. Things change with location
The knowledge that we won't let you get hurt on pourpose: however remember if it is funny it is funny and we are goin to laught. We don't really have mile wide super deep rivers that can result in a lot flush drownin so when we say to stand up and get your boat you are more than likely in shin deep water that will allow you to stand up and get your boat.
Some things you shouldn't bring to ALF.
A watch: if it is daylight we boat, if it is dark we drink.
A Calender: You will hear the chuch bells on Sunday (later put in) and all the other days don't matter.
Every piece of gear you own: Helment, life jacket, and a paddle. everything else is just extra stuff you have to keep up with.
Extra car keys:If you hide the keys on your truck at the put in you won't lose them on the river and need an extra set.
Stress: you all put yourselve under enought of it back in the snowy nothern waste land, we don't know what it is but it upsets us to see you all all freaked out.
Northern sense of vales: If we throw out a beer can it is because we know the surface miner who work that section of hiway. Also ya the girls may be our cousin but we ain't really that close of kin.
Guide books: they aren't right anyway, things have changed since the 80's and they only serve to freak you all out.
Need to scout every 2 foot drop: Some local will run it first and if he dies go another line. Beside a lot of time if you scout it you won't run it. it is better to be standing at the bottom and say next time I am goin to do a different line than to be at the bottom and say I wish I had run that.
Every boat you own: This ain't golf where you need a different boat for each river.
Coffee: We don't buy all the fufu brands and blends but there are enought Coffee snobs that have moved here too where we have a few fufu store that sell it. Beside it take up room that could be used to store Stoch. ( will be covered in what you should bring).
Your I love love New York tee shirts: Enough said, beside the thing we like most about New York is its location.
Whistles: I know you all would rather go to AIDS convention with out a rubber than go to the river with out a whistle. However we watch out for people paddlin with us, we're louder than a whistle anyway, they make us think the cops are on the river and we paddle away from the noise, but most important they tend to freak you all out. Most time we have the boater and boat over to the bank before the rest of you even know he swum. with the whistles goin off three more of you swim tryin to get to the bank that second to set up you 15 to 1 Z drags, get out you flare guns, and Sat Phones. ( please see Don't bring every piece of gear you own: above).
Need to keep your Eco minded vechicle within sight of you all the time: You should visit with other boaters car pool and socialize on the way to the river, get to know other people. Some (particular one good swimmer from Occupied Canada ) can not stand the thought of bein seperated from his vechical because all their gear is in it. So much gear that they can't even give someone else a ride. It kinda killes the whole point of drivin a four cylinder sardine can( please see Don't bring every piece of gear you own: above).
Unfounded fears of the unknow: We are just a little different than you all, you have a better chance of winnin the lottery than you do of gettin raped or killed. Deliverences was just a movie made by Yankees. Gettin lost ain't the end of the world, we have found a lot of good river when we were lost.
More Maple Syrup: it is good but we still have some from six years ago (we tend to use sorgum more).
Spread sheets, timetables, and emergency contact numbers: they are about impossible to keep dry on the river, if they people want to boat they will find you and emergeny contact number well the police get paid to make those calls.
Whistles: Ya I have already mentioned this above but it is worth repeatin.
Thing too bring:
Stoch Whiskey: we have it but not the best stuff like you get
Cuban Cigar: our goverment and the Miami Republicans are stupid (OK all Republicans are Stupid)
Sense of advenature: A lot of times we just ain't right down here
Extra set of Truck keys: No matter how many times we say don't do it someone is goin to be smarter than us and take their keys on the river, then when we can't get the body out from under the undercut their widow is going to end up with a four cylinder sardine can with a busted out window and a hot wired ignition.
Maple Cookies: Mexican and Hondouran kids think they are best cookies ever made.
Cameras: We will do some stupid things if we think it is goin to be capatured on film.
A totally open mind: This ain't up north and we don't care how they do it in Wisconson, and remember in Mexico you ain't queer if you stick it in, only if you let them stick it in. Things change with location
The knowledge that we won't let you get hurt on pourpose: however remember if it is funny it is funny and we are goin to laught. We don't really have mile wide super deep rivers that can result in a lot flush drownin so when we say to stand up and get your boat you are more than likely in shin deep water that will allow you to stand up and get your boat.
. The way I see it the most important things to bring in order of importance
