Second Tues of ALF

[Louie]

Collins it ain't the calender that is different it is the sense of humor that ain't the same. He ment to say the second Tues of the first week, but thanks for puttin up the dates I wasn't for sure what days it was goin to be

Some things you shouldn't bring to ALF.
A watch: if it is daylight we boat, if it is dark we drink.

A Calender: You will hear the chuch bells on Sunday (later put in) and all the other days don't matter.

Every piece of gear you own: Helment, life jacket, and a paddle. everything else is just extra stuff you have to keep up with.

Extra car keys:If you hide the keys on your truck at the put in you won't lose them on the river and need an extra set.

Stress: you all put yourselve under enought of it back in the snowy nothern waste land, we don't know what it is but it upsets us to see you all all freaked out.

Northern sense of vales: If we throw out a beer can it is because we know the surface miner who work that section of hiway. Also ya the girls may be our cousin but we ain't really that close of kin.
Guide books: they aren't right anyway, things have changed since the 80's and they only serve to freak you all out.

Need to scout every 2 foot drop: Some local will run it first and if he dies go another line. Beside a lot of time if you scout it you won't run it. it is better to be standing at the bottom and say next time I am goin to do a different line than to be at the bottom and say I wish I had run that.

Every boat you own: This ain't golf where you need a different boat for each river.

Coffee: We don't buy all the fufu brands and blends but there are enought Coffee snobs that have moved here too where we have a few fufu store that sell it. Beside it take up room that could be used to store Stoch. ( will be covered in what you should bring).

Your I love love New York tee shirts: Enough said, beside the thing we like most about New York is its location.

Whistles: I know you all would rather go to AIDS convention with out a rubber than go to the river with out a whistle. However we watch out for people paddlin with us, we're louder than a whistle anyway, they make us think the cops are on the river and we paddle away from the noise, but most important they tend to freak you all out. Most time we have the boater and boat over to the bank before the rest of you even know he swum. with the whistles goin off three more of you swim tryin to get to the bank that second to set up you 15 to 1 Z drags, get out you flare guns, and Sat Phones. ( please see Don't bring every piece of gear you own: above).

Need to keep your Eco minded vechicle within sight of you all the time: You should visit with other boaters car pool and socialize on the way to the river, get to know other people. Some (particular one good swimmer from Occupied Canada ) can not stand the thought of bein seperated from his vechical because all their gear is in it. So much gear that they can't even give someone else a ride. It kinda killes the whole point of drivin a four cylinder sardine can( please see Don't bring every piece of gear you own: above).
Unfounded fears of the unknow: We are just a little different than you all, you have a better chance of winnin the lottery than you do of gettin raped or killed. Deliverences was just a movie made by Yankees. Gettin lost ain't the end of the world, we have found a lot of good river when we were lost.

More Maple Syrup: it is good but we still have some from six years ago (we tend to use sorgum more).
Spread sheets, timetables, and emergency contact numbers: they are about impossible to keep dry on the river, if they people want to boat they will find you and emergeny contact number well the police get paid to make those calls.

Whistles: Ya I have already mentioned this above but it is worth repeatin.

Thing too bring:

Stoch Whiskey: we have it but not the best stuff like you get

Cuban Cigar: our goverment and the Miami Republicans are stupid (OK all Republicans are Stupid)

Sense of advenature: A lot of times we just ain't right down here

Extra set of Truck keys: No matter how many times we say don't do it someone is goin to be smarter than us and take their keys on the river, then when we can't get the body out from under the undercut their widow is going to end up with a four cylinder sardine can with a busted out window and a hot wired ignition.

Maple Cookies: Mexican and Hondouran kids think they are best cookies ever made.

Cameras: We will do some stupid things if we think it is goin to be capatured on film.

A totally open mind: This ain't up north and we don't care how they do it in Wisconson, and remember in Mexico you ain't queer if you stick it in, only if you let them stick it in. Things change with location

The knowledge that we won't let you get hurt on pourpose: however remember if it is funny it is funny and we are goin to laught. We don't really have mile wide super deep rivers that can result in a lot flush drownin so when we say to stand up and get your boat you are more than likely in shin deep water that will allow you to stand up and get your boat.

[cmnypny]

I also have to carry a spare paddle due to the length of my barge. Luckily I had one on the CHeat River last September otherwise I would have been Sh1t Outta Luck. Luckily I had one last March or Gumpy would have been SOL as he broke all his including his spare.

See http://www.tc.gc.ca/eng/marinesafety/de ... es-191.htm

Canoes, kayaks, rowboats and rowing shells less than 6 m (19’8”) in length Personal protection equipment

1. One (1) Canadian-approved personal flotation device or lifejacket of appropriate size for each person on board

2. One (1) buoyant heaving line no less than 15 m (49’3”) in length

Boat safety equipment
3. One (1) manual propelling device (for more detailed description, refer to the manual propelling device definition)

OR


An anchor with no less than 15 m (49’3”) of cable, rope or chain in any combination


4. One (1) bailer

OR

One (1) manual water pump fitted with or accompanied by sufficient hose to enable a person using the pump to discharge water from the bilge of the vessel over the side of the vessel

Navigation equipment

5. A sound-signalling device or a sound-signalling appliance

6. Navigation lights that meet the applicable standards set out in the Collision Regulations if the pleasure craft is operated after sunset and before sunrise or in periods of restricted visibility

[2opnboat1]

Louie got it all pretty much but he forgot


Gas Card, So we can buy beer on the way to put in.

Small Dry box So we can stuff our saf-t gear in it

Hand full of lighters to fill everybodies small dry box with

Duct tape.

Anf for most a smile and sense of humor

[craig]

With all these lists, race schedules, etc, there seems to be a lot of organizing going on for an unorganized gathering . The way I see it the most important things to bring in order of importance
1,Yourself
2,Your boat
3,Your paddle
4,A sense of adventure
Oh wait you can borrow #2 and #3 from someone else, so I guess you only need to bring 2 things.

[Louie]

Craig I agree 100% with you. Way too much preplannin.

[phreon]

Craig I agree 100% with you. Way too much preplannin.

It takes a little pre-plannin to free up time to get down there.

Yeah, some of us having a hard time letting go. I'm a planning freak when it comes to navigating and getting up in the morning. Mainly so I can figure out when the last minute is I can sleep before I have to drag my butt out of bed and NASCAR my way to the destination.

Trust me, I've been trying to figure out for years how to convince my job to pay me for not coming in. Seem's like we'd all come out ahead in the long run. They just aren't seeing eye to eye with me on this one.

If we can score Yuengling, I'll be like a pig in slop. Probably my favorite cheap beer, but for some sadistic reason, they won't distribute the stuff here in OhiO.

Phreon

[cmnypny]

Mainly so I can figure out when the last minute is I can sleep before I have to drag my butt out of bed and NASCAR my way to the destination.

You musn't get too far then .... isn't that the really boring long left hand turn race

Crunchy's repsonse to that one

[gumpy]

phreon, we got lots of yingling here in pa, you want bottles or cans?

[Louie]

Well just remember that when all the old guys are sittin around the spit and whittle cornor, you never hear one of them say "I wish I had spent more time at the office".

don't worry about all that figurin out where and how. just meet in the parkin lot with the most canoes, listen to the locals tell what is runnin and just follow a car with Tennessee tag to which ever river you decided to do.

[cmnypny]

runnin and just follow a car with Tennessee tag to which ever river

But don't follow Louie

[oopsiflipped]

yuengling is available in tn. lager and black and tan, but not the straight porter or the other stuff they have up in PA.

[Crunchy]

On March 20 (Saturday) and 21 (Sunday) Bristol, Tennessee will be the site of the NASCAR races.
Bristol is located on the border of Tennessee and Virgina.
Traveling through that area on I-81 (or any other road) will be a nightmare during that weekend.
I explained this to a group of Canadians and they seemed to think I had lost my mind.
So I will try and explain why the roads will be jammed with so many cars.
Bristol is a town of about 26,000 people.
The Bristol Motor Speedway has a seating capacity of 160,000 people. The Saturday race has sold 100k tickets (so far) and the Sunday race will be sold out.
There will be tens of thousands of people who will drive to the race and NOT be inside the track. It has been estimated that the population of Bristol on race weekend is about 250,000.
All roads are more like parking lots than roadways.
One Canadian suggested that if they got caught in traffic, they would just pull over and get a hotel room.
I laughed so hard!
Remember a town of 26K with 250K visitors = you ain't getting a room.

[phreon]

phreon, we got lots of yingling here in pa, you want bottles or cans?

The container isn't so important as the liquid contained within.

If I find a store down there that carries it, I'm gonna punish my car on the way home by lugging as much beer (+ the boats and fat @ss) over Jellico as possible. If I break down? Time to break 'em out I guess.

Phreon

[Oci-One Kanubi]

Some things you shouldn't bring to ALF.

Stress: you all put yourselve under enought of it back in the snowy nothern waste land, we don't know what it is but it upsets us to see you all all freaked out.

Now, Louie, what makes you think we are full of stress before we arrive in the land of the redneck cracker? Deliverance was written by a Southern writer (a poet at GA State, I think, er maybe Emory) and we trust he knew his environment better than we do.

[gumpy]

git on up that hill, boy...